Baby Carrots

by Rat Hammer

supported by
Mike Petruccelli
Mike Petruccelli thumbnail
Mike Petruccelli The type of energy that this band makes is rare as hell, this album is so crucial. Favorite track: Don't Care.
Tonari No Seinfeld
Tonari No Seinfeld thumbnail
Tonari No Seinfeld These degenerates deliver the goods! Baby Carrots is an unhinged rip-roarin good fuckin time. Favorite track: Don't Care.
Katie Yankowski
Katie Yankowski thumbnail
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $5 USD  or more


  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    9 songs from this digital release on a 7" record in a random color. Comes with full digital download

    Includes unlimited streaming of Baby Carrots via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $5 USD or more 




This is our debut album. We're dirty people

Rat Hammer is:
Johnny on vocals
Aaron on guitar and bass
Jeff on vocals, guitar and bass
Ian on drums


released October 20, 2014

All songs written by Rat Hammer
Recorded by Seth Engel and Johnny
Mixed by Johnny at The Flowershop
Digital master by Greg from Yeesh
Vinyl master by Will at Dead Air Studios
Pressed by Palomino Records

THANKS TO: Matt for the vocal mic; Coaster, Nervous Passenger, Evasive Backflip, Absolutely Not; the posse of pals who followed us home after a show to record gang vocals; Law and Disorder for their heinous criminal activities; and to all the homies for filling the Flowershop with love and music and happiness.

Finally, thanks to anyone who has been disturbed by the bizarre human behavior documented in this album. You've helped us retain a shred of human dignity in this era of moral recession, and we're slightly less depraved than we otherwise would be.




all rights reserved


Rat Hammer

Chicago rock'n'roll

contact / help

Contact Rat Hammer

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: Don't Care
I don't fucking care

So take my job and move away
Closing more schools everyday
and putting poison in the water
Until we come out with mangled daughters
Hair-lip faces and diseases that we'll never fucking cure

But I don't fucking care

Chemical bombs and nuclear waste
Take the lives we can't replace
and we all go on with our days
Like selfish children with no compassion
I guess I'm kind of apathetic
It's pathetic of me
Track Name: Pre-Existing Condition
Is everybody sleeping or all we all just dumb
It all seems so fake

Believe it

Is anybody listening, this shit's so fucked up
It all seems so fake

These are third world problems but no one will solve them
The wealth don't care about your health
Don't take the pills they tell you, they're trying to buy and sell you
Doctors distributing disease
Track Name: When We Die
When we die will our mothers cry
or will the grief get to their eyes
before their hearts are cracked inside
and squeeze out their last sighs
If I could just fade away I would have been dead yesterday
Sometimes it's too much to face a life I can't replace

I'm going down

I'm being boiled alive inside my skull every night
When i try to rest my head its like my thoughts all hate themselves
So I pretend I'm somewhere else or someone in a different crowd
Where the voices don't all scream so loud and I can get some help

I tried I swear. I'm sure there's something better I could do or say
But my chest is just an empty rind, scraped out fucking crazy
Track Name: Friends
I'd be nothing alone if I didn't have all you fuckers there to lean on
I'm broke and I'm dumb and I'm usually wrong
but when we rock together I'm ten people strong

I'd be nothing alone if I didn't have all you faggots there to lean on
I'm broke and I'm dumb and my breath smells like cum
but when we rock together I'm 10 inches long

No money, No car, Nobody knows who we are
No hope, No way, but I'd throw down for you any day

You're all that I need
and a big bag of weed
You're all that I know
Let's go shoot some blow

Don't need new clothes
Cuz I got all of my bros
Track Name: Whiskey
Show up at your place, pour it in my face
Wake up on the floor again
Forgot what I think, puking in your sink
Whiskeys the bottle I drink

Vomit tastes much sweeter when you're near darling
And I can't be alone again, so let's drink

I'm not in my home, I can't find my phone
I know that I'll end up alone
I'll bullshit a grin while your living room spins
Whiskey you're my only friend

I'm tired of thinking that I hate myself and I got no money and I'm alone.
I'm drowning my sorrows, that's why I drink
Track Name: Liar
Drown me in your shit, I'll take anything
You're my everything, I'm your scum

I won't tell anyone why you're leaving

Lie to me

Track Name: Six Shooter
"Four more dead including the gunman"
In a California shooting spree
Gotta homicidal maniac blowing holes
pouring blood in the street
In NYC they got a "cannibal cop"
Says you taste "kinda like pig meat"
Chiraqi war veterans pushin rocks on the corner
with a killin machine

and you can take my guns when you pry them from my cold dead hands
Live and die by the sword, because I'm a man

You're only killin' each other
Cuz God told me to
You're only killin' your brothers
God told me to
You're only fillin' them prisons
We need less brown children

We're some fucked up germs

30,000 more dead kids piled in body bags every year
A sly FOX fills us with shit and operates us out of fear
It only takes a second to end another human life
Taking you off this planet, too late to ask why

Bang bang you're dead
Track Name: Hulky
Once he was a man but now he's shriveled and lonely
Steroids and vodka's in his morning eggs
His crys for help will only go un-noticed
Because we all think he's such a fucking fake
But I can't help but rubberneck at super-human
Down on his knees begging for your tips
At least he never lost that sense of humor
or those little man-tits

Fat and lazy lonely little baby, little cry baby
Squeal piggy, dirty little piggy, squeal for me

Once he was a god in the American Dream
He lost his mind in reality TV
now he's begging for your attention
Poundin a prosty on your telescreen

"You're goin' down brother"
Track Name: Addict
Aren't we some lonely souls
Got lost in rock n roll
and shit spun out of control
Let me give you my advise
Find yourself a friendly vice
The only way to get through life

Addict for life

I lost control
Scratchin' off my skin, I gotta get my fix, turn another trick

Once you get that little taste
Consider your whole life a waste
Death droops across your face
Crush it up and stick it in
Bleed it out and start to sink
Shoot it up till you can't think

Sorry to all of my family and friends
Track Name: Drip
You're just a dirty little thing and now you're licking your teeth
She's dripping wet and now I'm on my knees

I'm begging

and all the people will pray to you

You're just a dirty little tease spreading around social disease
You're lying right fucking now baby give it to me

Oh what a waste of a beautiful face
Wasting away more everyday
Because you know you're just a pretty skank
Give it up and give it all away

Girl tell me all your fantasies, I'll do exactly as you please
You can make me your slave mama give it to me

The future creeps up more each day
And oh what a waste of a beautiful face

Rot in hell you empty cells
Reminds me of unwanted love
fill those holes you empty soul
Drowning in my scum
Track Name: Punk Rock Surf Babe
Ocean blue hair dyed like the sea
She smells like a sailor but she always a woman to me
I can feel your waves radiating, crab tattoos on her knees
Watching the ten she's hangin', Swim into me

Punk rock surf babe, riding the waves
Holes in her face, washing away

Ride on the waves, ride on my face

Sun-baked skin slimes salty, but she's so sweet
Slurrin' like a stoned Spiccoli, pussy tastes like an ocean breeze
Never met a hardcore mermaid and it makes me weak
Lemme lick your gills now darlin', Swim into me
Track Name: Skin
Track Name: Discount Macaroni
That night I met you sitting under the bridge
You said you wanna know what real food is
I wanna take you home and feed you discount macaroni

I wanna take you home and co-sign your loan
Come home with me and I can set you free

And I don't care if you got fucked up teeth
Doesnt seem to mean a thing to me
as long as you're coming home to sleep on my pillow darling

And we'll never get old or fat or dumb, because we'll die when we're 31
Track Name: TV
While I'm asleep it tickles my eyelids
Massages my brain with it's gentle x-rays
And all of my dreams, it's like I never left
Things people say that I'll never understand

You've always been there for me TV

And while you dream she sighs of sex pills and caffeine
Because you're incomplete and it isn't ok
But trust me, I've got just what you need
Because everyone hates your stupid man face
You worthless machine

I don't ever wanna go back
Track Name: SVU ft. Law and Disorder
The victim was found dead on the ground
by Stabler and Benson in the park
With semen in his throat and blood on his coat
Nobody knew where to start
Forensics decided the killer was excited
as he bashed his head in with a rock

Special Victims

Benson Stabler Munch Finn

The suspect was collard, "My Lawyer!" he hollered
I know my fuckin rights
Council was given no sins were forgiven
the suspect must pay for his crimes

Over ruled!

The jury declared that he was impaired
They sent him away for his life
A killers off the streets
Justice escapes defeat
The city sleeps safely tonight

Let this be a warning there will be no warning
For those who commit felonies
When you mess with the system
You will be the victim
Of stabler and the NYPD